Exalted Lord Trump Rightly Deems African Countries as “Shitholes”

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President Trump, please stop this madness, we can only get so hard. Speaking of hard, I don’t know how many more times the collective anus of the mainstream media can handle a schlonging of this magnitude. Due to the recent comments the God-Emperor has made in an Oval Office meeting regarding DACA on Thursday, the establishment shill media has gone into a moanfest circlejerk because by some stretch of delusion Africa and Haiti are not literally holes of hot shit.

As reported by a spankerchief propaganda rag that I’m not going to name or link, Trump supposedly asked other attending politicians at the meeting “Why do we want all these people from ‘shithole countries’ coming here?” then proceeding to suggest he would prefer people from Norway or other objectively nicer countries.

So, as you could guess, 900 Gorillion segments and articles from softbellied beltway criers have been cranked out as their AIDS frenzy ensues. So, since I’m an accredited journalist who is just here to report the facts in fair and balanced fashion, let’s see if Lord Trump’s comments are misguided. Maybe Haiti and Africa aren’t shitholes full of rapey, 3rd world criminals. Perhaps we should give them a fair shake and see the motherlands of our future Physicians and Architects.

Whoa, that’s Haiti? Boy was I wrong. They’re truly the cradle of innovation and exceptionalism. Just kidding, Haiti sucks and those people are dumb. But, let’s be the soup kitchen of the world and let them come. I love weird diseases that I don’t have an immunity to.

Let’s take a look at Africa

Wow. What a beautiful place. I think I might go on vacation there. Bring my wife and kids. I’m sure they would really enjoy what a clean, safe and culturally enriching experience it would be. Maybe we won’t get Ebola from their regional cuisine of dog meat charred over burning tires.

Now let’s see why the Trumpenreich hatemonger could possibly prefer people from Norway. 

I think I’m gonna puke. I bet this is what hell looks like. And what are these uncivilized mongrels doing? Look those strollers, I bet they have babies in them. How disgusting. Why would anyone want to import animals like these into their country? Makes me sick.

Seriously though, welcome to the post-truth future, where you’re not allowed to admit things that are empirically true if they’re deemed as racist or some other thoughtcrime. Like how 3rd world countries are shitty and people from developed countries are objectively more beneficial as immigrants. That’s not going to stop the fake outrage proliferated by media machine propagandists. You’d think since they’re such huge cucks they’d eventually develop Stockholm Syndrome and start to love Trump and his abuse.

Because with all this verbal pooning they have to be taking enough Trumpian seed to get their butts pregnant.

-Dave Martel