Woman with No Plans to Have Children “Very Concerned” About Country’s Future
BALTIMORE, MD – In a statement to Mad American Network, 24-year-old Christina Hansen said that she was “very concerned” about the “kind of country we will be leaving the next generation.” Hansen, who has repeatedly posted articles on social media about the numerous joys of childless living and has stated there is “no fucking way” she will ever consent to becoming a mother, says she feels Trump’s election and the rise of a new reactionary right means subsequent generations will be worse off economically and socially.
“Our society was becoming more liberal, more progressive” the young marketing analyst said, pausing to sneer at a woman dressed in a modest floral-print dress happily pushing two babies in a pram. “I don’t understand what’s happening now. We seem to be swinging back the other way and there’s nothing us liberals can do!”
Hansen, who has taken birth control regularly since age 16 and makes quarterly donations to Planned Parenthood, says she “feels powerless” to prevent the demographic shift that is propelling a conservative revival across the nation. “I just don’t understand the appeal. What is this, the Middle Ages?”
At the last update, Hansen had also excluded marriage from her plans for the future, lambasting the institution as “outmoded” and “oppressive”.
- Sean Callaghan